The Look Read online

  To my brother Christopher, and Sarah.

  And to my friend Rebecca K. You are amazing.

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Chapter Thirty-five

  Chapter Thirty-six

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-one

  Chapter Forty-two

  Author’s Note

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Copyright

  busk:

  to perform music in the streets and other

  public places for money

  That’s the official dictionary definition. I checked it on Dad’s computer before we came out, while I was waiting for Ava to remember where she’d put her flute case. But there was another version underneath:

  busk it [informal]:

  to do something as well as you can, without

  much preparation

  That’s the one we need, my sister and me. We aren’t so much busking as busking it. And I have a feeling it shows.

  “Are you sure this is working?” I mutter, as Ava puffs her way through the final chorus of “Yellow Submarine.”

  She finishes with a flourish and a smile.

  “We’re fabulous. Trust me.”

  Trouble is, I don’t. The last time I trusted my older sister was in grade school, when she assured me that it was perfectly normal to wear a Buzz Lightyear costume (complete with wings) to gymnastics class if you accidentally left your leotard at your granny’s. The teacher made me do the whole class in that costume, including the hula hoop sequence. Ava giggles whenever she thinks of it. Some memories haunt you to infinity and beyond.

  However, she promised me a third of the proceeds today, which sounded tempting at the time. I was hoping to earn enough for some new shading pencils.

  “Jesse’s cousin got fifty pounds last week,” she says, reading my mind. Her eyes have the dreamy look she always gets when she mentions her boyfriend in Cornwall — or even, it seems, his relatives.

  “What, Jesse’s cousin, the classical violinist?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Who’s in an orchestra?”

  “Well, yes,” Ava admits. “But she was busking in Truro, which is miles from anywhere. And look at us.”

  I look at us. Location-wise, we’re perfect: Carnaby Street, in the heart of London’s West End, surrounded by Saturday shoppers taking advantage of some early summer sun. If we were Ava’s boyfriend’s cousin, we’d probably make a fortune. But I bet she wasn’t playing Easy Beatles Tunes for Beginners. And I bet she didn’t give up her instrument at fourteen, like Ava did three years ago. And I bet she wasn’t accompanied by a girl who only took up the tambourine that morning, like I did.

  It. We are so busking it.

  “I figure we can make at least double what she did,” Ava says confidently. “All those people have been stopping to look at us.”

  “That might have something to do with that top you’re wearing.”

  “Why?” she says, looking down. “What’s the matter with it? It’s a lot more interesting than your T-shirt.”

  “Nothing’s the matter with it,” I sigh.

  Ava spent forty-five minutes this morning choosing the skimpy lilac top and cutoff jeans she’s wearing now, and another twenty-five perfecting her makeup. She looks fantastic as always: glossy-haired and violet-eyed, curvy and sparkling — well, not quite as sparkling as usual due to her virus, but still superhot. We must make an odd couple: the stylish student looking like an undercover film star, and her gangly younger sister, looking like a lamppost in shorts.

  I wish I could copy her, but I’ve tried and it doesn’t work. I just don’t have the required va-va-voom. When she bent down to pick up her flute she actually got a round of applause from a group of passing construction workers. As soon as she started on her version of “Yellow Submarine” they moved on pretty quickly, though. It seems even construction workers have sensitive hearing.

  “Anyway, how much have we made so far?” she asks hopefully.

  I check the open flute case at our feet.

  “Two Starburst wrappers, a piece of chewing gum, and a parking ticket.”

  “Oh.”

  “But there’s a guy down the street who keeps staring at us. Over there, see? He might give us a pound or something if we’re lucky.”

  She sighs and looks tired for a moment. “It’s hardly enough for a ticket to Cornwall. I’m never going to see Jesse at this rate. Let’s give them ‘Hey Jude.’ My last performance ‘had to be heard to be believed,’ remember?”

  I grin. I do indeed remember that quote from the school newsletter. I’m not sure they meant it the way she took it, though. I’m starting to understand why she couldn’t con any of her friends into coming along today, before she asked me.

  Ava does a couple of test breaths, then launches into the opening bars. I rattle my tambourine as best I can, trying not to catch the eye of anyone nearby. I think I’m supposed to “take a sad song and make it better,” but that’s beyond my musical ability. I’ll just have to settle for making it louder.

  Meanwhile, the guy down the street is slowly heading in our direction. It suddenly occurs to me that he might be a plainclothes policeman, if plainclothes policemen wear leather jackets and carry orange backpacks. Maybe we’re not allowed to play here and he’s about to arrest us. Or worse, he could be a kidnapper, staking out victims.

  Thank goodness I took judo in my last year of grade school. And for once, my height could be useful. While Ava got her movie-star looks from Mum, I got all the genes from our tall, lanky dad, who’s six foot five, even without the mad hair — which I also inherited, along with his bushy unibrow. I’m not Dad’s height yet, but I’m definitely taller than Leather Jacket Guy. I’m pretty sure I could take him on in hand-to-hand combat, if I had to. As long as he hadn’t taken judo, too, of course.

  When I look around, Ava’s not there. Then I realize she’s sitting down on the cobbled pavement, with her head between her knees.

  “Are you OK?” I ask. She should definitely eat more breakfast.

  “Yeah. Just needed a rest. ‘Hey Jude’ is a lot tougher than I remember. I finished ages ago, by the way. You’ve been rattling that tambourine by yourself for five minutes.”

  “Oh, have I?” I bet she’s exaggerating. I hope she’s exaggerating. I stop rattling. “I’ve been watching that guy over there. D’you think he’s a policeman? What’s that he’s holding? Is it a walkie-talkie?”

  Ava follows my gaze. “No. I think it’s a camera. Ooh!
He might be a scout.” She gets up to have a better look.

  “I don’t think so,” I say. “He’s too old and he isn’t wearing a woggle or anything.”

  Ava rolls her eyes. “I mean model scout, not Boy Scout, you idiot. Lily Cole got scouted round here.”

  “Lily who?”

  “Famous supermodel. Do you know anything about fashion, Ted?”

  “Mum says, ‘blue and green should never be seen,’ although I’ve always thought —”

  She interrupts me by digging me in the ribs. “Hey! He’s coming over. Act natural.”

  Oh, no. He is a policeman. I can just feel it. We’re about to get a criminal record. At least Ava is. I think I’m too young for one. Plus, her rendition of “Hey Jude” was definitely more criminal than my tambourine playing.

  “Hi, girls,” the man says, with a disarming grin. “How are you today?”

  “Fine,” Ava answers coyly. She looks up at him through her long lashes, while I try to remember my defensive stance and blocking maneuvers.

  “My name’s Simon and I’m from a model agency. D’you mind if I take a picture?”

  “Oh, I don’t think so.” Ava blushes. “I’m not really —”

  “I meant you, actually,” Simon says, gazing past her.

  Ava’s watching me now. Come to think of it, Simon’s definitely looking in my direction. But that can’t be right. I stare back at him, confused. He looks straight into my eyes and his grin widens to a dazzle.

  “I’ve been watching you and you’re amazing. Have you thought about modeling?”

  What? Amazing? Me? Modeling? No.

  Suddenly I feel dizzy. This must be some sort of prank. I assume we’re being filmed. Is Ava in on it? She looks as bewildered as I feel. Why is Simon talking to the flat-chested freak with a unibrow, when the gorgeous one with the film-star face is standing right beside him?

  He hasn’t stopped staring at me. I guess I’m supposed to say something, but my mouth has dried up. I shake my head.

  “You should consider it,” he goes on. He delves into the pocket of his trendy black jeans and hands me a card. It has a logo on it of a jagged black M inside a pale blue circle. He says the name of the agency, but I don’t catch it because my ears are buzzing. “Look us up. How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  My mouth is still dry.

  “Fifteen,” Ava tells him, less bewildered now and more suspicious. “She’s too young. Look, we’ve heard about people like you.”

  He looks confused for a moment. “Actually, she’s not,” he says. “Fifteen’s great. Too young for catwalk, but we’ve got fourteen-year-olds on the books. Come and talk to us. Bring your parents. We’re one big family. Picture?”

  He holds up the camera again. It’s larger than average: a Polaroid, designed to spit out instant snapshots. I wonder what they’re like.

  “No, you can’t,” Ava says firmly.

  “Well, at least tell me your name,” he says, dazzling me with that smile again.

  “Ted.” My voice is a croak. “Ted Trout.”

  “Trout? Seriously?”

  I nod, but is anything serious around here? I’m still waiting for the camera crew to leap out from wherever they’re hiding and fall into the street laughing.

  “Nice meeting you,” he says. “And think about it. Call us. You’ve got something.”

  You’ve got to be kidding, he means. As he looks away, the spell is broken. There will be a comedy video of me on YouTube any day now: the human beanpole who thought she was Kate Moss. But by the time I’ve stopped feeling dizzy and the buzzing in my ears has faded, it’s all over. Simon has disappeared into the crowd and if Ava wasn’t standing there, staring at me like I’d just sprouted a second head, I would swear I’d just dreamt the whole thing.

  As the shock fades, Ava dumps her flute and gives me a hug. “Are you OK? Look, let’s just give up and go home.”

  I nod. I’m shaking. That whole experience was just too weird for me to handle.

  “Do you think he said it as a joke? What did he expect me to do?”

  “I think he was a scammer,” Ava says, staring angrily after him. “There’s a lot of them about. They’ll go up to anyone and say you could be a model, then next thing you know they’re charging you five hundred pounds for photographs. Then they disappear. It’s fairly evil.”

  “How do you know this stuff?”

  “Happened to a girl named Holly last year. She had to miss the volleyball trip to France because she’d spent all her travel money on the photos. Turns out they were useless for proper modeling, but it was too late.”

  “That’s terrible!”

  “Yup. But don’t worry, you’re safe now. Come on — let’s go.”

  I look at her gratefully. “But what about the money? Do you want to do another song?”

  “No, it’s fine. I’m tired anyway. Didn’t sleep too well.”

  “Were you hot again last night?”

  She nods and rubs her neck. It looks a bit swollen.

  “And sweaty. My pj’s were soaked again this morning. Exam stress, Mum says.”

  “You don’t look stressed.”

  “I’m not.”

  And it’s true — she doesn’t look it. Ava doesn’t really do stress. Whereas I’ve just been doing it enough for both of us.

  We collect our bags and head for the subway. Now that we’re not standing around in front of a bunch of strangers, I can start to enjoy myself. It’s not often I get to wander around town with my big sister. Carnaby Street is full of trendy boutiques with pastel-painted shop fronts, and cafés with tables spilling onto the sidewalks. On the corner, a group of shopgirls from Liberty’s are standing around in their chic black outfits and scarlet lipstick. They must be on a coffee break. I wonder if they know how cool and sophisticated they look.

  Ava follows my gaze again.

  “Lucky things. Mind you, that could be me in a few weeks.”

  “Really? You’ve applied for a summer job at Liberty’s?”

  “Not exactly,” she says. “Constantine & Reed.”

  She pauses, waiting for me to be impressed. I’m sure I would be, but I’ve never heard of Constantine & Reed.

  “Who?”

  “Oh, come on, T. It’s the biggest new fashion company in America. They’re opening their first UK store in July. Everybody’s talking about it.”

  “Not to me.”

  “Big surprise,” she says, sighing at my T-shirt-and-shorts combo.

  Ava is the fashionista of the family, and I’m the … well, I’m the normal one. I’m interested in all sorts of things. Trees. Drawing. Music (as played by actual musicians). People. But not shopping. It’s too complicated. Finding jeans long enough to fit me is a nightmare.

  “Anyway, this is by Constantine & Reed,” Ava says, pointing at her bag, which has green and white stripes, with a logo of a snake in the middle. “Jesse bought it on the internet for my birthday. They’re opening this shop in Knightsbridge, and Louise and I applied. It pays OK and they give you a discount. If we get the job, I can afford to go surfing with Jesse for at least two weeks in August, and Louise can pay for driving lessons. It’ll be brilliant.”

  “So, you mean we didn’t have to go busking after all?”

  She looks uncomfortable. “Well, I don’t know if I’ve got it yet, do I? And besides, it was fun.”

  She can see from my expression that “fun” is not how I’d describe the last half hour of my life.

  “Tell you what, you can have all the takings, to make up for the creepy guy accosting you like that.”

  “Takings? But there aren’t any.”

  “Aha! Well, that’s where you’re wrong. One of the wrappers still had a Starburst in it. Strawberry. Your favorite. It’s yours.”

  She hands it to me as we reach the Underground station. It’s hot and sticky and half unpeeled. I stick it in the pocket of my shorts, along with the card from Simon the scammer.

  On the brig
ht side, at least we didn’t get arrested.

  All the way home — standing in the crowded Tube train while Ava smiles at the man who gave up his seat for her — I try to work out why I was the girl Simon chose.

  On the wall outside our bedroom there’s an old clip frame stuffed with snapshots of my sister and me. Mum’s favorites, mostly. Occasionally Ava sticks something in there, too. I know each one by heart.

  In the top left-hand corner, I’m a baby in Ava’s arms. She’s two and she’s sitting in a big green armchair, proudly holding me up like a school project. She is dark-haired and gorgeous, with long bangs over her big violet eyes. A toddler-sized Suri Cruise, without the designer shoes. I am round. And hairless. And crying. Why Mum chose that particular one, I don’t know. I have a feeling it’s the only one she’s got of the chair.

  In the middle: school photos. Ava looks like a fresh-faced beauty queen. I look like a frightened blob. Then something changes. I’m about ten. This would be the start of my judo phase. Now I look like a blob with purpose.

  Party shots: me and my friends at various birthdays, all with our arms around one another’s shoulders. Then I hit twelve and start shooting up. Now my friends have their arms around my waist.

  Bottom right-hand corner, recently added: Ava’s seventeenth birthday. I’m stooping down so my eyes are level with my sister’s. From the side, I look like a question mark — Mum always threatens to make me take ballet if she catches me like this. Ava, meanwhile, looks like a young Elizabeth Taylor. I know this because she’s been told it so often that we looked up Elizabeth Taylor on the internet, and she was hot. She had the same violet eyes, the dark, wavy hair with its own special luster, and the perfect curves. Afterward, I googled a load of other movie stars from the same kind of time: Ava Gardner, Vivien Leigh, Jane Russell. My sister looks a bit like all of them, but with a better handle on eyeliner.